Grief Has No Timetable

It's been five weeks since we said goodbye to our Tinker, but at times it feels like it just happened yesterday. Both of us have ups and downs in remembering good times, bad times, missing him and our Virginia, and the pain and sadness just doesn't want to go away. Sure, there is laughter and smiles, but it's a rough emotional Olympics.

Getting a new dog wouldn't relieve the pain. It apparently works for some people, but not the two of us. It's not like stitching up a wound. Right now that wound is open and painful. Sure, there are things we can do outside of the house that we haven't been able to in years. But coming home and not being greeted by "Mr Happy Go Lucky" and getting licked on the nose leaves a large hole in our lives.

We pet and hug and play with every dog we come across where we live and anywhere else we run into a person with a dog...or a dog with a person.

Tinker's ashes and locks of hair sit in a box within a bag on our fireplace mantle. We haven't touched it since we brought it home about a month ago. We don't want to deal with it. There are some things we have donated to rescue people we know, but the gate to the front door still stands at attention. All of the beds and several of Tinker's plush buddies still sit stacked on the living room floor waiting for when we will be able to move them. We'll keep some and donate some. It's doubtful that any will get tossed out.

The bed is gone from our room. That was one of the first things we were able to do early on, as well as moving the downstairs beds so they were no longer trip hazards. His big crate and his travel crate still sit near the living room steps to the bottom floor.

His picture (above) is still the wallpaper on our desktop computer. Seeing him makes me happy and sad all in the same breath. Speaking of breath, I miss that distinctive Tinkie breath. A musky odor that some would find unpleasant, but to us it was like lavender or berries; especially when you smelled it while he was licking your nose.

I feel like a train wreck; sad, unhappy, anxious...and C has her issues with her grief. When we lost Virginia it hurt like hell, but we had Tinker to walk, hug, kiss, play with and distract us. Now, there is no furry little one waiting around to ease our pain. I do find some temporary relief from a little dog that knows what I need. I re-injured my back right before we lost Tink and so I have been going for PT. The owner has a sweet little Sheltie, who just knows. When I pet her, while coming or going, she licks me on the nose like our boy did. If that's not a message I don't know what is.

We miss you so much Tinkie. We hope you and Virginia are running and playing, and feeling so good. We <3 you both.

Happy 14th Birthday To Our Wonder Boy

Every superhero needs a cape.

The past few years have been a kind of crazy, roller coaster ride of highs and lows, pretty much like everyone else's life. But the one constant has been the utter joy and happiness brought to us by a most special 21 pound (on a good day) Beagle/Jack Russell Mix.

Our Tinker is the most amazing dog. He has been with us for nearly 10 years, and today he turns 14. There are no words that could possibly convey the love we have for him or the unconditional love he has shown towards us. One of the best things about an average day is his enthusiastic greeting when one of us arrives home. There he is, waiting near the top of the stairs, or laying in one of the array of 4 beds/crate pads he has to choose from.

Though his hearing isn't what it once was, his eyes know his people. He leaps up and runs around as we reach through the railing at the top of the stairs and pet him. The highest compliment is when he licks you right on the nose.  He does little circular zoomies and joyfully dives in the bed nearest the stairs or runs over to one of us to give notice that the other has arrived home.

While he has his day-to-day physical issues that come with age, he's still as happy as can be when he wakes up in the morning and starts to move about the bedroom hoping to wake us to take him for a walk. He even loves to walk outside despite this cold, snowy winter. He loves to get treats out of his kongs and has recently picked up a new habit of taking a lap through the narrow space behind the couch and the wall. Sometimes he'll change his route to counter clockwise, just to keep us on our toes. No matter which it is, we laugh each and every time he does it.

If you've read this blog or know us personally, you know that in 2005 Tinker ruptured a disk in his back. He went through surgery, rehab, used a cart to get around, and then recovered and walked on his own again. He's been attacked twice by large dogs that left him with bad injuries which have, thankfully, healed well. And our Energizer bunny keeps on trucking.

He's become a little more shy around some dogs because of the bite incidents, and he no longer likes going to the vet due to all the poking and prodding, but he's just as stoic as his sister Virginia was.  When she passed in the Fall of 2012, Tinker had to find his own voice. While they were together, VA was the leader of the pack and Tinker doted on her and was happy to follow along. But once she was gone, after a period of time when it seemed he genuinely missed her, he adapted fairly quickly and became the king of his castle.

We've given serious thought to getting him a new pal,  since he loves other dogs.  But given his increasingly fragile state and his age, for now we think it best to keep him safe and happy with the status quo and with all of our attention.

With the amount of love he gives, it's like we have 2 dogs anyway.  Happy Birthday to our sweet Boo and long may you run.  We love you like crazy and are inspired by your spirit.